City Link are the worst couriers in the world. Here’s why:
What should have happened:
- City Link deliver package to me at some point between 9am and 5.30pm on Wednesday.
What did happen:
I stay in all day on Wednesday, waiting for a delivery. No package arrives.
On Thursday, I obtain the tracking number from the sender of the package. According to the City Link website, an attempt to deliver the package was made (this is untrue), and the package has since returned to the City Link depot.
On Thursday morning, I attempt to telephone City Link, but give up after 45 minutes on hold. The hold music consists of an eight bar Eurorave loop with a chirpy voiceover informing me of the unparalleled brilliance of the City Link delivery experience, in terms not dissimilar to the unreliable delivery company’s motto, which is ‘To be the Carrier of Choice through operational excellence and customer focus - delivering success through our people.’. This does not endear me to the inept carriers City Link. Later that afternoon, after another half hour on hold, I am told to call back again, as City Link are suffering an ‘IT failure’. Later still that afternoon, after a relatively reasonable 20 minutes on hold, I am informed that I can either a) wait in all day on Friday for a re-delivery, or b) collect the package from the City Link depot in sunny Cambuslang, bringing my missed delivery card with me (which I do not have, because City Link made no attempt to deliver the package in the first place). I choose b), and am told to call on Friday morning to verify that the package is at the depot.
I call this morning. After 30 minutes on hold, I am told that City Link are suffering an ‘IT failure’, that they do not know where my package is, and that I should call back at 2pm. I do, and, after a thrillingly brief ten minutes on hold, City Link confirm that my package is available.
I travel by low level train to Cambuslang, and make my way across a footbridge covered in the monograms of various Young Teams, and on into a deserted industrial estate, thinking, ‘I’m glad it’s daylight, this place is well shady’. Once I locate the City Link depot, I queue for fifteen minutes, and give my tracking number to the nice lady behind the desk, who confirms it is there, and claims that she will send someone to fetch it. I ‘phone my Dad, to tell him the good news. My friend Nadine ‘phones, and tells me she is off to New York City for Christmas. In light of my present condition, I admit to feeling pangs of jealousy.
After 30 minutes, I remind the nice City Link lady of her promise, and she rather unhelpfully suggests that it’s possible my package is nowhere to be found, and that no one has informed her of this fact. After ten more minutes, I inquire again, and receive the same answer, and a suggestion that I leave my ‘phone number so that she might call to arrange another delivery date. I decline, raising my voice only slightly, and restraining the urge to pepper my reply with the foulest language. After a further 20 minutes I inquire once more, politely insisting that someone is sent off to find my package. A nice man returns with my package in two minutes flat, apologises, and wishes me a Merry Christmas.
I walk through the deserted industrial estate, and across the footbridge. It is now dark, which is why I don’t see the young gentlemen loitering on the footbridge until I am upon them. The young gentlemen ask if they might borrow my mobile telephone. I reply that they may not. There is a brief altercation, fortunately restricted to verbal badinage (rather than, for example, some light stabbing) which ends when I flee to the safety of the local Morrison’s supermarket car park. The young gentlemen lose interest, after hurling a few incomprehensible insults in my direction, and leave me free to continue to the train station.1
I arrive home, and place the package in my holdall, so that it can be taken to the Wirral, wrapped up and placed under the tree, ready for my Dad on Christmas morn.
Time spent waiting for delivery which never arrived: precisely 8.5 hours.
Time spent on hold to City Link: approximately 2.25 hours.
Time spent travelling to and from the City Link depot: approximately 1.5 hours.
Time spent waiting at the City Link depot: approximately 1.3 hours.
Time spent shitting myself and legging it away from scallies: approximately 3 minutes.
Total time spent being dicked around by the unreliable couriers City Link: approximately 13.6 hours.
City Link are the worst courier company in the world. I hope that anyone who Googles them in future happens upon this post before their website, and decides to use another service. Strapping goods to a half-starved mule and riding to your destination would likely be a quicker, more efficient mode of delivery.
1. I admit that, strictly speaking, #9 isn’t the fault of City Link, but I wouldn’t have been lugging hundreds of quid’s worth of Christmas presents across an unlit footbridge at night if it weren’t for them, and I’m not in a particularly forgiving mood. So they get the blame.