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Submit Response is a weblog by Jack Mottram, a journalist who lives in Glasgow, Scotland. There are 1308 posts in the archives. You can subscribe to a feed. This post was made on and belongs in the places category. The previous post was , and the next post is .

Wirral Tongue

I just happened upon a Will Self pseudo-weblog, which collects his journalism and punts his books.

In The Mersey Seat, Self waxes poetic on the Wirral, dubbing the insular peninsular ‘a spatulate tongue licking the Irish Sea’. But, in a column devoted to Debordian psychogeography, it is susprising to see that Self seems not to have noticed the difference between Hoylake and West Kirby.

As far as I can tell, Self rode his folding bicycle down Meols Drive, past the Royal Liverpool Golf Club, probably bypassing Bank Street and cutting down Riverside Road or another of the streets that lead to the Marine Lake, from where one can walk to Hilbre, as Self planned to do. I can’t remember whether there’s a welcoming sign along Meols Drive, but as a former local, it seems unimaginable that Self could have passed over the invisible line between Hoylake and West Kirby without feeling it in his bones—the two townlets are as different in character as Glasgow and Edinburgh, or Liverpool and Manchester.

Still, at least he didn’t confuse West Kirby with fucking Heswall.

Posted at 2pm on 18/05/06 by Jack Mottram to the places category.
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  1. If being a cunt was a sport, Heswall would be a centre of excellence.

    Posted by Donny at 9pm on 18.05.06

  2. you will both be aware that irrational fear of heswall is a notifiable condition under the mental health (toffee arsed avoidance) regulations 1983 - take care what you say.

    Posted by bobbydad at 9am on 22.05.06

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