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Submit Response is a weblog by Jack Mottram, a journalist who lives in Glasgow, Scotland. There are 1308 posts in the archives. You can subscribe to a feed. This post was made on March 28, 2003 and belongs in the news category. The previous post was Why Weblogs Are Good, and the next post is The testimony of the dead.

Best. Excuse. Ever.

This has to be the best excuse ever. One Andrew Carlssin has been arrested on insider-​trading charges, after turn­ing an ini­tial invest­ment of $800 into $350 mil­lion in two weeks. In his defence, he claims to be a time trav­eller from the year 2256.

[Via Explod­ing Fist] In other ‘news’ How You Can Own A Piece Of Iraq Land - it’s better than the Onion!

Posted at 3pm on 28/03/03 by Jack Mottram to the news category.
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  1. I saw that on yahoo this morn­ing. Much as I’d love to believe it, having watched 12 Mon­keys again the other night, it’s non­sense, I think. Do a google­news on it, and you get no results. Plus, accord­ing to yahoo, it’s from the Weekly World News.

    Posted by Leon at 4pm on 28.03.03

  2. Still, if I was going to get busted for $350m of insider trad­ing, I’m sure I’d be think­ing up a pretty good excuse.

    Posted by Leon at 4pm on 28.03.03

  3. Hee, I pre­empted you with my title tag!

    Posted by jack mottram at 4pm on 28.03.03

  4. Also, it’s not the best excuse ever - ‘I was on the moon. With Steve.’ is the best excuse ever.

    Posted by Jack at 4pm on 28.03.03

  5. Ach, I never read that.

    Posted by Leon at 5pm on 28.03.03

  6. As A writer of fan­tasy novels who has just com­pleted a novel called “Ancients of tomorrow”
    (The task of the Hos­to­rian)
    All I can say is per­haps his so called excuse is quite believ­able we are in this time still very prim­i­tive
    you better believe we will travle in time, lets face it my hero Saved NY and london from Nuclear attack on 9-13 just 48 hours after the 9-11 which is a diver­sion and the date he came from is the year 7007.
    “All things are Possible”

    Just a rhyme
    For think­ing Time
    Making love or making war
    Family home or lands afar
    Deeds done today
    Results do last
    Are we the van­dals
    of our children’s past ?.
    Hugh C Gray 2002

    Posted by Hugh C Gray at 2pm on 31.03.03

  7. As A writer of fan­tasy novels who has just com­pleted a novel called “Ancients of tomorrow”
    (The task of the Hos­to­rian)
    All I can say is per­haps his so called excuse is quite believ­able we are in this time still very prim­i­tive
    you better believe we will travle in time, lets face it my hero Saved NY and london from Nuclear attack on 9-13 just 48 hours after the 9-11 which is a diver­sion and the date he came from is the year 7007.
    “All things are Possible”

    Just a rhyme
    For think­ing Time
    Making love or making war
    Family home or lands afar
    Deeds done today
    Results do last
    Are we the van­dals
    of our children’s past ?.
    Hugh C Gray

    Posted by Hugh C Gray at 2pm on 31.03.03

  8. As A writer of fan­tasy novels who has just com­pleted a novel called “Ancients of tomorrow”
    (The task of the Hos­to­rian)
    All I can say is per­haps his so called excuse is quite believ­able we are in this time still very prim­i­tive
    you better believe we will travle in time, lets face it my hero Saved NY and london from Nuclear attack on 9-13 just 48 hours after the 9-11 which is a diver­sion and the date he came from is the year 7007.
    “All things are Possible”

    Posted by Hugh C Gray at 2pm on 31.03.03

  9. As A writer of fan­tasy novels who has just com­pleted a novel called “Ancients of tomorrow”
    (The task of the Hos­to­rian)
    All I can say is per­haps his so called excuse is quite believ­able we are in this time still very prim­i­tive
    you better believe we will travel in time,

    Posted by Hugh C Gray at 2pm on 31.03.03

  10. As A writer of fan­tasy novels who has just com­pleted a novel called “Ancients of tomorrow”
    (The task of the Hos­to­rian)
    All I can say is per­haps his so called excuse is quite believ­able we are in this time still very prim­i­tive
    you better believe we will travel in time,

    Posted by Hugh C Gray at 2pm on 31.03.03

  11. I did a search on Google and noth­ing came up.
    Time Travel?? inter­est­ing excuse.
    All I wanna know is what was in his stock portfolio??

    Posted by Michele at 7pm on 31.03.03

  12. did you reall have to post the same thing 5 times, hugh?? i will avoid your book like the plague…

    Posted by steve at 11am on 01.04.03

  13. I couldn’t work out if Hugh was making an obscure joke about time travel through weblog com­ment­ing, or if he’s just a crap spam bot…

    Posted by Jack at 11am on 01.04.03

  14. We on the Inter­net know about Andrew
    Carlssin — but how about the news
    media at large? I have heard noth­ing
    on the radio or TV.
    It’s very pos­si­ble the guy is a fake.
    Yet, what he says could be true as well.
    The facts seem to stack up in Mr. Carlssin’s favor. First and fore­most is
    the fact that no-​one can get any record of him before Decem­ber, 2000. NO records at all! Second — it is men­tioned that he invested in SEV­ERAL
    com­pa­nies. How could he get insider infor­ma­tion on all of them? (This is unlike Martha Stew­art, and the exec­u­tives of Enron and World­com, who each had insider info on just ONE cor­po­ra­tion.
    Why do9esn’t the fed­eral govern-
    ment at least get the infor­ma­tion on
    Osama bin Laden and the erad­i­ca­tion
    of AIDS, first — and then, if they
    check out, let Mr. Carlssin go? If
    they don’t do this, one can only
    sadly draw the con­clu­sion that the
    rumours (that the gov­ern­ment LET 9.11
    happen, because it plans to instate
    a total­i­tar­ian regime, and needed a
    focal point, so we’d all agree to
    have our lib­er­ties severely cur­tailed),
    are true. Yet — IF they are true,
    and Mr. Carlssin is indeed a time-
    trav­eller — wouldn’t he know this?
    And iof he knew this, why would he
    chose to come in at THIS par­tic­u­lar
    time? (Didn’t he have any sus­pi­cion, should the rumors be true, that he’d
    prob­a­bly be arrested — and that the
    gov­ern­ment might thus not really
    want to know where Osama bin Laden
    is, as all — as this would dimin­ish
    public fears? (As for AIDS — the
    research and main­te­nance for this
    ail­ment has grown into a billion-
    dollar indus­try. Curing it would
    not please the rich phar­ma­ceu­ti­cal
    com­pa­nies — who give polit­i­cal con-
    tri­b­u­tions! (And of course, the
    poor people afflicted by AIDS are
    usu­ally not rich polit­i­cal contrib-
    utors, so…..to those who believe
    in social Darwinism……sadly, they
    are not accounted to be as “valu-
    able.” A direwct — and anger-induc-
    ing — con­tra­dic­tion to the US Con-
    sti­tu­tion — but, sadly, the real
    truth, in some (very pow­er­ful!)
    people’s minds………
    Yet, if Andrew Carlssin IS from
    the future — why did he choose to
    come in 2000 or so? If he wanted to
    get rich, why now> If I were he, I
    would have come in 1929 — in Jan­u­ary
    or Feb­ru­ary — and invested in bul­lion
    gold, (then legal), and left a few
    months prior to the ‘29 crash later
    that year. THEN I would have gone
    to any time period that I pre­ferred.
    I wonder why Mr. Carlssin picked
    THIS time to come to — as gov­ern­ment
    com­put­ers are up and run­ning, and
    quite sophis­ti­cated enough to catch
    a sus­pi­cious Wall Street wiz. (There
    WERE no cum­put­ers — or per­haps, only
    rudi­men­tary ones — in 1929. For me,
    that wpuld have been a far better
    time to travel to! (And/or the boom-
    ing 1950s, where — if gold was not
    legal — much money could still be
    made by invest­ing in the bur­geon­ing
    fledg­ling TV sta­tions and net­works.
    And — people were so much more
    OPTI­MISTIC then……
    I pre­dict that Mr. Carlssin will
    go down as one of History’s Great
    Ques­tion Marks — like Caspar Hauser.
    It’s too bad none of the major net-
    works or news­pa­pers seems to want to
    inter­view him. (And/or are they not
    being allowed to by the gov­ern­menbt?)
    Also — if Mr. Carlssin’s records
    here start in Decem­ber, 2000 — why
    didn’t he go at least to the “fringe”
    press — and warn every­one about
    9/11/01?
    I just hope some­how, Mr. Carlssin
    will find some way to even­tu­ally
    exhon­er­ate him­self — and be inter-
    viewed by some­one like Bar­bara Wak­ters
    or Diane Sawyer. (Broadcas5 TV,
    please — EVERY­ONE deserves to hear
    this.)
    At any rate, Mr. Carlssin’s claim
    of coming here from 200 years in the
    future, does gfve me hope. Hope that
    there will even­tu­ally BE a future in
    200 years. And one sophis­ti­cated
    enough to have time-​machines.
    Per­haps, there­fore, we are NOT des­tined
    to blow our­selves up, after all!

    Posted by Alexandra at 12pm on 01.04.03

  15. 9/11 killed directly only 5000 people..that’s not a lot if you think of it as a whole. WW2 saw the deaths of around 100.000.000 people so 5000 is regret­table but not much.

    Posted by Daabuu at 3pm on 01.04.03

  16. Wow talk about a great early April fools joke.

    Posted by Steve R at 7pm on 01.04.03

  17. One can say at this time that this is more than blind luck having turned $800.00 into $350 mil­lion on over 120 trades in just two weeks…Not even insider trad­ing could pro­duce these kinds of results on so many dif­fer­ent trades…however, there seems to be some holes in Carlssins alibi…1)Why come back at this moment in time unless we are in for a big growth explo­sion in the global eco­nomic economy,why not as some­one else wrote the ’20s or even the ‘late ‘90’s? to make a killing in the market? 2) If he is offer­ing up OSAMA why not Saddam?Why offer cure for aids Why not Cancer when Cancer kills many more unless they haven’t found the cure for that yet? 3)Finally give me the stock or futures picks that he was going to place invest­ments on that he didn’t get a chance to submit. I could use a little luck like this. Truly an enigma at this crit­i­cal time in world history… This will be talked about for years once the media get a hold of it!Steve G.,Pembroke Pines,Fl.

    Posted by Steve G. at 8pm on 01.04.03

  18. One can say at this time that this is more than blind luck having turned $800.00 into $350 mil­lion on over 120 trades in just two weeks…Not even insider trad­ing could pro­duce these kinds of results on so many dif­fer­ent trades…however, there seems to be some holes in Carlssins alibi…1)Why come back at this moment in time unless we are in for a big growth explo­sion in the global eco­nomic economy,why not as some­one else wrote the ’20s or even the ‘late ‘90’s? to make a killing in the market? 2) If he is offer­ing up OSAMA why not Saddam?Why offer cure for aids Why not Cancer when Cancer kills many more unless they haven’t found the cure for that yet? 3)Finally give me the stock or futures picks that he was going to place invest­ments on that he didn’t get a chance to submit. I could use a little luck like this. Truly an enigma at this crit­i­cal time in world history… This will be talked about for years once the media get a hold of it!Steve G.,Pembroke Pines,Fl.

    Posted by Steve G. at 8pm on 01.04.03

  19. I think that this COULD be true, because if we did, even­tu­ally make a time machine in the future, why not go back in time? it may look like sci­ence fic­tion to us now, but so was walk­ing on the moon, and send­ing satel­lites to space…. IF this story is even true, it would be hidden from the public, and if it was, why is it on Yahoo!? and why did it have to be the Weekly World News, it was cred­i­ble until they men­tioned that paper… or maybe it is just an April Fools Joke, at any rate, I think if we did make a time machine, we would go back in time and pre­vent major cat­a­stro­phes (ever seen time­cop?) maybe in the future, 9/11 is seen as a day of dis­cov­ery, where we finally real­ize we need to end ter­ror­ism, so they didn’t stop it… maybe they HAVE been stop­ping major things, we just never learn about them because they don’t happen… inter­est­ing right?

    Posted by Boris at 8pm on 01.04.03

  20. The myth of the infi­nite audi­ence, or where are all the time travellers?

    If time travel becomes pos­si­ble, some events will be prime time-​tourist des­ti­na­tions, so where are the throng­ing crowds of slightly weird look­ing future-​folks? The cru­ci­fix­ion wasn’t that well attended and even I wouldn’t mind a gawp at that.

    If any time trav­ellers are read­ing this in the future, and want a safe-​house with con­tem­po­rary cloth­ing / arti­facts / money etc. (these things will be price­less antiques in the year 2256) I was Pic­cadilly Circus Under­ground Sta­tion at 5pm yesterday.

    Posted by Keith Collins at 10pm on 01.04.03

  21. The fol­low­ing entry was made by Laura at http://​www.​asiam.com.

    “I got so mad yes­ter­day from this stupid time trav­eler story that I wrote about a few days ago. I had no idea it was that pop­u­lar. I was, prob­a­bly still am get­ting 1000 hits per hour and people were leav­ing rude com­ments about how piti­ful my life was etc etc.. I’m not giving into their feel­ings. I will con­tinue blog­ging; I thought yes­ter­day maybe it was better if I stopped but I real­ized how much I love it and I love my blog­ging friends. We’ve been there for each other and I am not going to give up because of some weak, unhappy people.

    I will wait until my blog stops coming up in searches for this par­tic­u­lar name.. then I will put my com­ments back…”

    Now,
    After look­ing through many hope­ful, and some incred­i­bly stupid (Alexan­dra) entries regard­ing this appar­ent “time traveller” I am left with 4 blind­ing and obvi­ous questions.

    1. Do people Really think some­thing like 9.11 was never going happen? -regardless of whether the Amer­i­can gov­ern­ment wanted it (silly total­i­tar­ian regime theory…)

    2. Would anyone that is capa­ble of time travel need money? I mean really. And if so, there would be much easier ways to get cash for a man that can travel in time. Rob a bank, put the money in your time craft, go back in time and rob it again and again. or some­thing sim­i­lar. use your imag­i­na­tion (like Laura did)

    3. AIDS is a virus. There is no cure for any virus that mankind has ever known. Vac­cines for viruses, yes. But a man from the future, know­ing the mol­e­c­u­lar com­po­si­tion for the vac­cine for AIDS? come on people.

    4. And lastly, and most hard to under­stand for many simple minded .net freaks: our galaxy is spin­ning quite quickly. Our solar system is moving along with it. The earth is rotat­ing and revolv­ing the sun. 5 min­utes ago the spot where I am stand­ing on earth now, was hun­dreds, maybe thou­sands of miles away, rel­a­tively speak­ing. Sup­pos­ing I Wanted to travel 200+ years into the past. Where in the world would I emerge into that time-​space? Most likely, in deep, cold, space some­where. Light years away from Wall Street. :)

    Much love to con­spir­acy the­o­ries. I just wish there were less the­o­ries, and more facts.

    Posted by Tony at 10pm on 01.04.03

  22. Haven’t seen this story from any reli­able news source. I think it’s a nice little piece of fic­tion. If some­one came back in time to trade why would he come to a time with a depressed market?

    Posted by Mark at 10pm on 01.04.03

  23. That story would have been more enter­tain­ing if it had included a stock quote for the suckers.

    Posted by Tuesday at 10pm on 01.04.03

  24. Can he still make accu­rate stock pre­dic­tions, being cut off from sources?

    Wouldn’t $350M be chump change in the future?

    Posted by sox at 12pm on 02.04.03

  25. Hate to burst ya’lls bubble

    http://​www.​timeson​line.​co.​uk/​a​r​t​i​c​l​e​/​0​,​,​6​3​0​-​6​2​7​1​1​5​,​0​0​.html

    “Alas, it is merely one of the better inter­net myths. The SEC has never heard of Carlssin, and sev­eral “facts” are plainly untrue.”

    Posted by sox at 12pm on 02.04.03

  26. Sox - thanks for the link. I think we cleared this up in the first couple of com­ments, but no one noticed: the World Weekly News is not a reli­able news source!

    Posted by Jack at 12pm on 02.04.03

  27. Lets look at this logically…

    all the infor­ma­tion in ques­tion is held in the data­banks of a com­puter some­where.
    Infor­ma­tion on merg­ers (pos­si­bly the most avail­ble)
    AIDS Cure (If it exists, it has to be stored on a com­puter)
    Osamas loca­tion (You really think that noone in this world knows where he is? and if they knew, do yuo think they would keep it scrib­bled on a notepad? Nope… prob­a­bly on a pc)

    anyway… all this to say that some­one who has the tech­ni­cal know-​how to hack into sev­eral high-​security com­pany com­put­ers will prob­a­bly have the same luck at find­ing the other info…

    Posted by DRWEIRD77 at 6pm on 02.04.03

  28. oh mammy, help me, luna tuna…

    Posted by Donna at 9pm on 02.04.03

  29. how would the fbi deter­mine he is 44 years old if he had no exis­tance until dec. 2002?

    Posted by genius at 3pm on 03.04.03

  30. http://​www.​timeson​line.​co.​uk/​a​r​t​i​c​l​e​/​0​,​,​6​3​0​-​6​2​7​1​1​5​,​0​0​.html

    This might shed some light on yet another inter­net hoax. It was an enter­tain­ing story, but did anyone ques­tion the fact that the Weekly World News pub­lished it? That tabloid that most people pass up at the check­out aisle is appar­ently a trusted source of news on the inter­net, swal­lowed hook, line & sinker.

    Who’d have thunk it?

    Posted by Iconoclast at 4pm on 12.04.03

  31. You people are a bunch of losers!

    Posted by Losers! at 9pm on 16.04.03

  32. And would’nt he have told us about the North korean Inva­sion that was under­way right now.
    They have been infil­trat­ing us for years
    and are ready to pounce.
    p.42

    Posted by dood at 8pm on 17.04.03

  33. And would’nt he have told us about the North korean Inva­sion that was under­way right now.
    They have been infil­trat­ing us for years
    and are ready to pounce.
    p.42

    Posted by dood at 8pm on 17.04.03

  34. Assum­ing time travel were possible…
    The solu­tions, such as his­tor­i­cal facts and medical/scientific knowl­edge, would only par­tially be avail­able to him via a modern day tool(laptop). Most of the knowl­edge would most likely be stored in his “time craft“‘s com­puter sys­tems.
    Assum­ing he is from the future…
    Would he be a car­rier for a future plague? A future super flu? Is he respon­si­ble for SARS?
    Assum­ing time travel is possible…
    Why haven’t more people come? Or has the mere act of him coming pre­vented anyone else from doing so as well? Ie, chang­ing the future.
    In either case… if it’s true, then it is quite inter­est­ing and fan­tas­tic. If it is a hoax/myth/etc… then it is good for a laugh and a half.

    Posted by Anonymous Oddity at 10pm on 17.04.03

  35. How but you stop talk­ing about it and find out if the story is true. Here’s the authors name, address, and phone number call him up and ask if the story is ficition.

    Kult­gen, Chad
    5391 /2 Glen­rck Ave
    West­wood, CA 90024
    (310) 209-5147

    Posted by Anarc at 5am on 18.04.03

  36. How but you stop talk­ing about it and find out if the story is true. Here’s the authors name, address, and phone number call him up and ask if the story is ficition.

    Kult­gen, Chad
    5391 /2 Glen­rck Ave
    West­wood, CA 90024
    (310) 209-5147

    Posted by Anarc at 5am on 18.04.03

  37. Anarc - I’m pretty sure every­one is cer­tain the story is non­sense - it was in the weekly world news after all - but I have no prob­lem with people con­tin­u­ing to chat about time travel in this thread.

    Posted by Jack at 12pm on 18.04.03

  38. Just thought I’d my own two cents.

    An arti­cle like this is onyl get­ting atten­tion because it was on Yahoo News. And if you think they are a rep­utable news ser­vice in any way, i think this arti­cle clearly demon­strates the worth­less­ness of their reporting.

    http://​tv.​yahoo.​com/​n​e​w​s​/​w​w​n​/​2​0​0​3​0​4​1​0​/​1​0​4​9​9​8​6​8​0​0​0​5​.html

    Posted by jo at 11pm on 21.04.03

  39. This is bogus and here are rea­sons why I think :

    1. He claims to know the where­abouts of Osama Bin Laden and the Cure for AIDS. Yet, he claims he’s from the year 2256. How could he have such spe­cific knowl­edge. Even if there is a cure for AIDS and we do find Bin Laden, I don’t think your aver­age guy in the year 2256 can go around recit­ing the actual cure for AIDS and his­tor­i­cal loca­tions. I live in 2003 and I know we have a cure for scar­let fever, but I can’t tell you off the top of my head how to make the cure. I also wouldn’t be able to tell you where Bin Laden is 200+ after we caught him cause i wouldn’t care enough to remember.

    2. The fact that he is time-​travelling and chang­ing his his­tory goes against all logic. Doesn’t this now for­ever change the future he is from? How can we ever create a machine that can twist fate like this. I believe we can one day create a time machine, but a machine that will take us to the past, un allow­ing us to get involved with his­tory. Oth­er­wise, there should be people pop­ping up all over the place (i.e. ances­tors, his­to­ri­ans, Evil vil­lians who want to take over the world :)

    3. I would think some­one who came from the future would want to reveal much more impor­tant or dev­as­tat­ing infor­ma­tion than the where­abouts of a ter­ror­ist and a cure for one of many uncur­able dis­ease we have today.

    4. Who the heck would wanna live 200 years in the past?! And, as some­one pointed out before, I’m sure 350 mil­lion isn’t going to even be worth that much, and even if it is, who’s to say that that will even be our cur­rency? OR even if this coun­try will even be around (not to sound anti-​american or any­thing, just being real­is­tic of all posibilities)?

    Posted by Shahien at 8am on 22.04.03

  40. I almost got drawn in by this story, until I noticed that, even though it was on Yahoo, it was in their Weekly World News sec­tion, the won­der­ful honest people who brought us BatBoy and “I mar­ried Bigfoot”
    So the point of argu­ing it is rather moot IMHO
    -Speaker

    Posted by Speaker at 4am on 23.04.03

  41. Weekly World News makes up nearly all their mate­r­ial. Who can forget Bat Boy, and “the Alien” that’s met every elected U.S. Pres­i­dent since Ronald Reagan (per­haps even Jimmy Carter!).

    As a researcher who has done exten­sive study of the sci­ence behind time travel, par­al­lel uni­verses, etc., I’ve found the issues raised here to be typ­i­cal of the fare one runs across when the topic of time travel is raised. There are also very simple, prac­ti­cal answers to them as well, which I go into in depth in my upcom­ing book “Solving the 4th D Puzzle”, due out early this summer.

    Not having much time to post on mes­sage boards, I am open to dis­cussing time travel issues with those that care to, at my email address.

    Posted by Marshall Barnes at 11pm on 23.04.03

  42. If he knew every­thing about the past he should know that in the year 2003 a cer­tain Andrew Carlssin was arrested… :-)

    Posted by Sidnei Cabral at 11pm on 25.04.03

  43. This story is true! Just saw CNN do a story on Carlssin about how he did not turn up for his court hear­ing and is either in hiding or missing… Wake up people, the gov­ern­ment has tried to bury this story by putting out hoax sto­ries, like the one about the woman who made up the inci­dent. This brings our whole world into ques­tion - will we be seeing more and more time travellers???

    Posted by yomama at 12pm on 21.08.03

  44. hI THAT IS AS GOOD AN EXCUSE AS YOU CAN GET.
    AND IF YOU BELIVE THAT THEN YOU WILL BELIEVE HIME TO BE INNO­CENT
    aND WHEN pOLITI­CIANS SAY THEY WORK FOR YOOU AND THERE ARE FAIRIES AT THE BOT­TOME OF THE GARDEN..

    THEN YOU WILL BELIVE ANY­THING AND SHOULD BE LOCKED UP .
    ( FOR YOUR OWN GOOD )

    I GUESS YOU VOTED FOR BUSH OR IF A TOTAL NUT

    YOU WOULD VOTE FOR OBAMA HA

    NAH FOR THAT ONE THEY DONT LOCK YOU UP THEY PUT YOU DOWN,,,
    ONLY OPHERA IS THAT SILLY

    Posted by Hugh C Gray at 3am on 20.12.07

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