Submit Response is a weblog by Jack Mottram, a Echo, RSS and Pixies
The big noise just now, in what folk insist on referring to as the blogosphere: The Echo Project.
There are a number of possible positions to adopt with regard to this thrilling imbroglio over syndication formats and the means by which one posts to one’s weblog. You could, for example, take a measured stance, or not give a shit.
I’m in the latter camp, but for those unsure of the proper response to this delightful little spat I propose The Pixie Test.
The Pixie Test is simple, consisting of a single question to ask when faced with a public Debate, the outcome of which will have some impact on the life of the Tester, but not so much. Here’s The Question:
Who’s a lovely little pixie?
Armed with The Question, a Tester must identify key particpants in a Debate from opposing sides. It is probably best to illustrate by example: In the case of The Echo Project, you might pick Ben and Mena Trott to represent the pro-Echo team, and Dave Winer to represent the anti-Echo squad. Now, I have no idea what Dave Winer looks like, but I’m guessing he’s a middle-aged man, probably with a beard. Not a lovely little pixie, then. The Trotts, meanwhile, are quite clearly lovely little pixies. Ergo, Echo is a very good thing indeed.
Now, I know you’re thinking: “Hey! Jack only made up this test because the family Trott famously look like lovely little pixies, it has no practical application outwith the specific case referenced in this pointless weblog posting that I’m only reading because it contains the word ‘pixies’ in the title, and that’s a funny word.” Not so, dear reader, not so.
Take the Euro debate. On the pro side, we have Peter Mandelson, in the anti corner, Ian Duncan Smith. Mandelson so totally looks like a lovely little pixie (imagine him in a special pixie hat, dancing a jig, if that helps) while IDS so totally looks like a gnome. After applying The Pixie Test, I am now fully in favour of the UK adopting the Euro, and I didn’t have to bother with all that awkward business about five economic tests, tax harmonisation and corrupt officials in Brussels.
So, there you have it. A failsafe decision-making system, specially adapted to those all-too-frequent cases where you are expected to have an opinion, but can’t really be bothered with the effort of formulating one.
To be honest, I’m amazed no one has thought of this before.
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Look: an Echo feed of this site, which you can subscribe to. If you are a time traveller equipped with some future application that supports Echo. With thanks to Mark Pilgrim.
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Trivialized necho pixies
Tom Coates (who has stealthily added visible titles to his blog posts recently) is having trouble taking the necho kerfluffle seriously. Jack Mottram says the side in any debate that most closely resembles darling little pixies must be right, and denie…
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I have yet to be convinced. Please apply yr system 2 the following ongoing beefs:
- Jay Z + 50 Cent
- Margaret Drabble + A.S. Byatt
- Jordan + Jodie Marsh
- Britney Spears + Xtina Aguilera
- Martin Amis + Julian Barnes
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Have you not eyes, woman?
Jay Z + 50 Cent: Mr. Cent’s comparatively small frame and use of cute terms like ‘Shorty’ give him the Pixie edge. Mr. Z, as you well know, looks like a freaking great ogre.
Margaret Drabble + A.S. Byatt: Null and void, since they can both fuck off. But, if you insist on applying the test: Drabble - Pixie-style gamine bob haircut. Byatt - Incredible Hulk. Therefore, Drabble wins.
Jordan + Jodie Marsh: An exception to prove the rule? While Jordan is clearly a sweetheart, and will win this battle, Marsh wins out on The Test thanks to her more petite appendages, and a low-rent nose-job gives her a certain Pixie-esque aspect. And she has shagged a member of Westlife, whereas Jordan has merely expressed the desire to shag all of them at once - obviously, Westlife are Little People of some sort, so contact ups Marsh’s Pixie Quotient.
Britney Spears + Xtina Aguilera: Simple, Ms.Spears’ massive thighs indicate that she is non-Pixie. You should henceforth root for the dirrrty one.
Martin Amis + Julian Barnes: Interesting one. While Barnes has a thin, Pixie-esque nose, he is overly aquiline to be considered fully Pixie. Amis, and this is stretching it, squeezes out a fair amount of Pixie-level whimsy into his prose. I declare him victor.
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Pixie nation
According to this ‘What Pixies song are you?’ stupid quiz page, I’m ‘Where is my mind?’. Well, the write-up (see below) is fairly convincing. I’m guessing that Wil Wheaton did the same test and came up with the same result….
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Cat Fight!
Down Metafilter way, the bloggers are blogging the fight between bloggers about the way we blog. This is a special case, where even The Pixie Test cannot help us.
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